Finally, and after much hard work and practice, I reached the pinnacle of my snooker career in the early hours of this morning by taking the coveted title of "Undisputed Champion Of The Back Room Of The Gower Pub" by 67 -22.
There will be some debate about the outcome of this match based, principally, around the totally un-founded accusation that I knobbled my opponent (Mr Hugh O'Driscoll) by slipping him two or three joints of the most evil Columbian grass imaginable in the beer-garden before the match commenced. Apparently this accounts for his total inability to focus clearly on the snooker table (God knows - it's big enough) and the fact that he couldn't seem to recall in what order you have to pot the coloured balls. In my defence I can only explain that I was similarly handicapped and that I seemed to be coping admirably (even if I did keep "losing" the chalk at crucial moments when he needed to chalk the tip of his cue before a vital shot).
As he handed over the £10 he owed me to cover the modest side bet we had on the outcome of the match I thought I heard him mumble "cunt" under his breath but I gave him a lift home just the same as it seemed that his "legs had turned to jelly" and he was having difficulty remembering where he lived.
So - onwards and upwards or perhaps "to infinity and beyond". Next week I get to play my old friend and flat-mate (and best man at my wedding) Mr Chris "Dizzy" Dawes who took great pleasure in demolishing me 3 months ago when I started playing again.
I hope he has his "sense of humour module" firmly plugged in. He's going to need it.
9 comments:
Snooker is fun, but I’m afraid I’m no hustler – I’d probably end up ripping the whole carpet.. ;)
Indeed we do get a lot of rain, but never non stop and in such incredible quantities (1 month's worth of rain very 3 or 4 days, even more in England).
Normally we get dry days in between. Glabal warming is messing everything up but as a rule late April/May and August/September are usually nicest around here if you're back again in future.
crashdummie,
We're not very professional as you've probably guessed - it's just "the boys" having fun.
But it's a "cloth" ; not "a carpet" !
cally,
The next time I visit Scotland I need to have a look around the South.
I know the North pretty well but I'm missing the bit between Carlisle/Newcastle and Edinburgh/Glasgow. Driven through there plenty of times but never stopped.
Where do you recommend?
M.
I'm guessing that you're talking about pool? If so then I'd always love to learn how to play.
Ack!! You crack me up. Stoned out of your mind is the ONLY way anyone should play pool. Unfortunately the risk of ripping the table is higher, but what can ya do? Nuth'n.
Mailyn,
Not quite.
A snooker table is about 3 times bigger than a pool table, there are more balls and the rules are slightly different. Also - traditionally - one is expected to behave like a gentleman (Ha ha !).
Ferfe,
It's the best possible way to spend a late Saturday night and it's done me the world of good to get back into it.
Rip the cloth ? Nah....I've been stoned before (only once or twice of course ....when I was in College...and then I didn't inhale....ummmmmmm).
M.
I prefer playing "strip pool"...makes life interesting.
I'm sure it does Steamy but I don't think a load of middle-aged men playing strip snooker is going to be a very pretty sight (not that I'm too bad of course).
Then there's all that bending over the table to play the long shots ..... we don't want any "funny" rumours.
M.
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