So after 7 years of not touching a single drop of alcohol I finally capitulated and got totally hammered in Avignon. Like most things in my life this has a sound, historical grounding : the last time I got totally wasted here was on May 1st 1342 with my old friend Pierre Roger (Pope Clement VI to you ) although he hadn't actually ascended at that time ( He became Pope 6 days later on May 7 and he was still hungover at the time).
Anyway we were sitting there in the sunshine on our 5th or 6th pint of Creme de Menthe when he said to me :
" Merlin old boy - tell me what you think about all this birth control business. You like to put it about a bit ; what's with all this "condom stuff" ? "
As future Popes go Pierre Roger (Rog to his friends) knew how to get down and rip it up a bit himself and I knew he'd had his eyes on the barmaid for some time so I thought I'd better fill him in on a few facts of life.
" They just don't do it for me Rog" I said, " all that animal intestine wrapped round my dick takes the fun out of it and the smells a major turn-off dude ; best stick to the tried and tested coitus interruptus bit even if it is a bit messy."
I skinned up another fat one whilst P-R ordered another round of Creme de Menthe.
"So what are you saying then Merlin ?" he asked through a cloud of Lebanese Kif " Give the bloody things a wide berth is it ? "
"Better still ban them completely" I replied "no self-respecting man can enjoy a good shag wearing one of those things and it'll bugger up the Catholic Church for years to come."
P-R took another few tokes then fixed me with that soon to become infamous glare " Lend me a few Francs until Tuesday Merlin ?" he asked ....... " I'm going to make that barmaid an offer she can't refuse" and with that parting shot he staggered off into the gloom of the Locus Publicus leaving me to wonder if I'd advised him as well as I could.
I can't stand the smell of Creme de Menthe to this day but I'm partial to the occasional Guiness again.
Only last night I found myself lost
By the station called Kings Cross
Dead and wounded on either side
You know its only a matter of time
I've been good and Ive been bad
I've been guilty of hanging around
Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee
By the station called Kings Cross
Dead and wounded on either side
You know its only a matter of time
I've been good and Ive been bad
I've been guilty of hanging around
Someone told me Monday, someone told me Saturday
Wait until tomorrow and there's still no way
Read it in a book or write it in a letter
Wake up in the morning and there's still no guarantee
11 comments:
LMFAO!!! Swim to Paris?!?! But that would ruin my hair!!! And you have NO idea how hard it's to care for this color. :-P
Oh and that convo cracked me the hell up. My dog was actually looking at me sideways like "what is wrong with this bitch now?!"
LOL.
And what "color" would that be might I ask Mailyn ?
We do "colour" over here but I guess you know that already.
You have a dog too ? Snap.
M.
Oh, so it's your fault, eh?
So glad you're back, Merlin. Missed you.
Oh, and check your gmail box.
Ann,
Yes - it's my fault.
When (if) I get the time and inspiration I might explain my part in the rise and fall of Henry VIII and the Glastonbury Festival business.
I feel I've been keeping silent for far too long.
Selah,
I keep forgetting I've got gmail.
I'll check it shortly ; I seem to have about 10 email accounts these days and only one of them is in my real name.
I think this says something unpleasant about me !
M.
LOL! I have 3 babies. All picked up from the street. Mom and I are forever picking upi stray and trying to find them homes. These just stuck for various reasons. LOL.
My hair is McDonald red. Yes, exactly like his. Since it's a rather weird color thet don't do it [here] at 99% of salons and it's not permanent like most regular haircolors. So, that means I have to redo my hair like every 3 weeks or so. Plus everytime I get wet some of it comes off. Kind of like dye.
I wish I was in London because you guys have all this stuff but in Miami people are not prone to have their hair done in wild colors. Meh. I hate this place. LOL.
I only have 2 babies : the dog and my daughter.
The dog (Willow) came from the local stray dogs home. She's a short-haired Northern Border Collie.
My daughter came from......well I think you can figure that out for yourself.
Bright red hair ? I bet you sort of glow in the dark don't you ?
But you're quite right ; it's not so unusual in the UK. Lime green is very popular these days too.
M.
"You like to put it about a bit" Love the way Brits say stuff.
That post is hillarious.
Ferfe,
Thanks. I've decided that I should try actually "writing" something for a change.
No - I don't want to be a writer.
M.
OH! That is brilliant!!!!
And that Guiness looks so damned refreshing. Mmm. I think I'll have to get some.
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